Thursday, November 28, 2013

For Vernoica, the piano teacher's daughter, who is three years my senior...


 
Veronica keeps her bra’s in a plastic garbage can inside her closet. Lying on her bed after my piano lesson, I inquire what the plastic receptacle is used for. Quickly she tugs it out of my hands and conceals both of her limbs around it, as if tucking a football into her chest.

 

            “Veronica, no I’m serious. What’s in this?” I inquire.

 

            “No!!” She says again, almost laughing. “There is nothing of your concern. I tackle her. I tickle her. The sibling rivalry that has always existed between us manifests itself in giggles and blushes. She is smiling. She knows something I do not know. There is something she cradles in her arm like a newborn that she does not want me to see. Something she possesses she does not want me to know about. A secret. Something that, maybe if I would take her behind her house, where no one can see us, maybe if I can take her someplace where the two of us would be all alone. Maybe she would show me. Maybe she would open up; maybe she would unzip. Maybe she would explain to me how things are, show me how life is a continuation process; explain to me vital stages of development. Maybe, if I could just get her alone for a minute. She would show all that to me. It would be like the dream I had about her in fifth grade; the dream which leads me hard and sore inside, my torso trying to mount the sheets all on their own. The dream where the two of us are in her room and she is explaining to me, telling me that “yes, ok, I will show you but…” disgusted at my query, still realizing that I need to know. Seeing  her reflection in my thick brown glasses that looks like our own wooden RCA as she slowly tugs near her waist and peels, showing me everything she feels that I need to know, even if she disapproves of it; even is she feels that it is wrongs, she still unbuckles and unzips and wriggles, pointing at her underwear as she did almost as decade before, she then slides her panties down to her ankles. She then tells me that I am slowed to do anything I want.

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